Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Your cock deserves a montage
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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