No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
