Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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