There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
