Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
