Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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