whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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