Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
