Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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