I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
