I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
