Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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