Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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