It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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