tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
