I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
