Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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