note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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