I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
