He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
