Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
