just tell him i said nine months
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
