i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
