I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
MIDGETS
????
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
