I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
