I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
