Kiss
Puke
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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