in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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