If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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