It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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