Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
