is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
