That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
