Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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