You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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