Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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