Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Vodka?
Forever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
