remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
