Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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