I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
