I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
