I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
