Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
