She is in my trunk
kristin has been a bad kristin
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
