with your own penis?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
