You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
