I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
