my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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