it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
