I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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