I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
