dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
