I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
