last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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